Lifelines (pulling in the darkness)
(For Sale)
(For Sale)
The title of this one says a lot I think, as does the painting itself. The rusted blood waves threaten to swamp her as she peels back the corner of the page to reveal the darkness behind it. Though the world holds so much promise, represented by the lively background and the tender new grass beneath her feet, she still chooses the comfort of these darknesses, though not without pain. This was done for a group about self injury, meant to represent the heavy relief it brings and portray that I was knowingly choosing darkness over life.
Update:
When my aunt, visiting from CA, saw this painting, she talked about pulling in the light, how it seemed that the colorful spaces were being gathered. Never mind that I painted it when I was deeply suicidal and saw it as pulling in the darkness and being swamped and numbed by self-injurious behavior. The open space above her makes me uncomfortable, I feel like something is missing, more darkness or something to cocoon her in. This is the painting that prompted S to ask if I was held often as a baby, if open space provokes anxiety in me and makes me search for comfort (it does). How do I feel about this? The negative voice of ED tells me that people see what they want to see, so of course my aunt sees positivity in a painting so dark. The good part of me holds onto her words and hopes that she is right; I am gathering light as much as I toy with the dark.
When my aunt, visiting from CA, saw this painting, she talked about pulling in the light, how it seemed that the colorful spaces were being gathered. Never mind that I painted it when I was deeply suicidal and saw it as pulling in the darkness and being swamped and numbed by self-injurious behavior. The open space above her makes me uncomfortable, I feel like something is missing, more darkness or something to cocoon her in. This is the painting that prompted S to ask if I was held often as a baby, if open space provokes anxiety in me and makes me search for comfort (it does). How do I feel about this? The negative voice of ED tells me that people see what they want to see, so of course my aunt sees positivity in a painting so dark. The good part of me holds onto her words and hopes that she is right; I am gathering light as much as I toy with the dark.
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