From the teetering brush

Traipsing the line
(for sale)

I feel like I am walking a thin line between being more recovered and falling dramatically back. By "being more recovered," I don't mean being completely recovered, because that's a long way in the distance, but more like getting to a place where I can be stable enough to get past such a decisive fence. My guide, the bird, shows me the way, in real life, taking the form of my treatment team and promising events, leading me to a place that can support life, that isn't so barren.

What strikes me about this painting is the fact that this thin bridge, trying to put roots down into water (physically impossible), connects such dramatic cliffs; there is no middle ground. The sea that should threaten beneath is not so menacing looking...whatever that means...

After a nutrition session with H, I realized a few things. If the cliffs are non-recovery and recovery, then the sea must be my struggles/traumas/"problems." Perhaps, then, the girl should be swimming through the sea to get to recovery, in order to do it "right"? The sea only exists between these two places, they don't rise out of it, which fits with my usual mindset: in ED and in recovery, I don't believe that my old problems exist. H said that I still don't seem to understand what recovery really is, as portrayed by my sad depiction of recovery land. "It definitely doesn't look like that," she said," admitting that my illustration was enough to make her choose to turn around because two flowers "aren't worth it!" She also pointed out that the girl is closer to the non-recovered side, moving very cautiously towards recovery. I seem uncertain as to whether or not recovery is worth it.